Mom Nazi

What's a Mom Nazi?
You know the ones...
They make their "birth plans" 6 months in advance, don't let their children have pacifiers at the hospital to avoid nipple confusion, look down on the mother's who don't breastfeed, freak out when their child eats an actual mud pie made of real, live GASP!... MUD!
I swear to everything holy your child did NOT just contract the AIDS by eating some damn dirt!
I gnawed the lead paint off my crib and whittled the wood with my teeth when I was little, and check ME out!

I totally understand being a protective mother, and sure, I wanted to avoid the pacifier at all costs too, ya know, to "avoid nipple confusion" like all the books said... but the second I realized that thing soothed my fussy baby, I was HOOKED.
Screw those experts advice and what the books say, I'M THE MOTHER HERE, NOT YOU!
Well, maybe they were moms too, but they weren't MY CHILD'S mom, so there.
No one knows what's best for YOUR child. YOU are the mom! It's trial and error.
There is no handbook on how to be the perfect mom. You just wing it.

Basically, everything I said I'd never do has gone right out the window.
Never say you won't do something, because at 3am when your child is crying and you're about to yank your greasy locks that you haven't had the time to wash in 3 days out of your head, YOU WILL DO ANYTHING to make them happy.

As for breastfeeding- shit is hard. It is not NEAR as easy/natural as people make it out to be (at least it wasn't for me.) And before I had T, I was a breastfeeding nazi.
I read every book I could get my hands on. I knew all the tips and tricks. I had all the cool gadgets. I was ready.
I looked down on the moms who chose not to breastfeed, like I was superior in some way... HA!
What a big, fat crock of shit.
Who was I to pass judgment? I'd never even been there!
So when my milk (or lack thereof) came in and I wasn't able to fully feed my newborn without the help of Similac, I struggled. I stressed out and thought I was a terrible mom.
Needless to say, my 1 ounce I was getting PER DAY was NOT going to feed my fat little newborn. So what did I do?
I swallowed my pride and switched to formula.
And my sweet baby boy was fed and I was happy I didn't have to walk around my house without a shirt on anymore.

Sure, it's so easy to be a Mom Nazi when you are a new mom (I was), but then life settles down and you realize all those things you said you'd NEVER do, you've now done, and guess what... your child is still alive! And healthy!
As time goes on, you will let go a little more every day (at least I HOPE you do).
I don't stress so much over the small shit now.
I don't freak out over a scraped knee and think my son has somehow fallen on the exact same spot that a child with AIDS has and now my child is going to contract the disease.
I don't cover his entire face when someone in the other room is coughing in fear that somehow those germs are determined to fly up my child's nose and get him sick with the flu, or strep throat, or whatever horrendous virus that person has.
So my child eats some leaves and dirt every now and then... SO WHAT?
I don't think he has eaten a poisonous leaf and will now have crazy swelling in his throat that will block his airways.
I ate dog shit as a kid, okay! And I turned out JUST FINE!
(okay, maybe I didn't, but you get the idea..)

So LET GO all you Mom Nazi's.
I promise, your child will be OKAY! A little dirt never hurt anyone.



Erica said...

Hahaha! I love it!! There is a Mom Nazi at the gym daycare I go to and every time she sees her 3 year old even look like he's about to trip or fall or run into something she tries to rescue him. Addy was walking and tripped the other day and this lady gasped and said I am so glad that we are past that stage of the newly walking and falling...I was like yeah, well with your first you are always extra careful and by the time you have a second it's totally different. I'm not as worried. I know she will be ok...even if she does fall down.

Those kinda moms freak me out and make me wanna slap the hell outta them. Just sayin.

JameeLoo said...

You are AWESOME! I look forward to your posts everyday because I can TOTALLY relate! Thank you for the laughs, much neede today!

Ashley said...

I agree 100%! The worst thing is mom nazis who leave rude comments on your blog as 'PRIVATE' telling you everything you do wrong. It drives me batty!

Holy Hannah said...

Amen Sister! I am a mom of two boys ages 8 and 12. Holy crap did they fall alot and still do. Kids are kids and they get hurt, that's why God made them squishy. ~ Stephanie.

The Bishop Gang said...

I spank. I've circumcised. I'm a supporter of vaccines (all at once). I've let my child cry them self to sleep. Both of my children have had formula. We feed our children McDonald's. Our car seats are not tethered. I mean...the list goes on. So in your face Nazi Moms!

Emily said...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! I was exactly the same way when Cooper was born and now, I've let go a lot! I understand why Mom Nazi's are the way they are, now it's time to loosen them up!

Stephanie@BarefeetOntheFrontPorch said...

I agree with some of what you said...but I said no paci, we don't vax all at one time, etc. I never say anything about how anybody else chooses to parent (unless, ya know, they are beating their child, starving them, or something equally horrendous) but I agree that some moms are WAY over the top.

I hate myself a little right now because I have turned into one of THOSE moms who doesn't really let other people touch JC (only in the winter months)...and we hardly ever leave the dang house....and I freak out on the inside when other people cough/sneeze on any of us because JC's immune system is so compromised. But I remind myself I have a damn good reason for being crazy!

BTW, I got told once that I was a bad mom because I laughed when my 3 year old walked straight into a wall. It didn't hurt her AND THE SHIT WAS FUNNY! Some people kill me.

Marsie said...

Your blog makes me so happy!

I totes had every intention of being a judgy-pants mama, until my Miss was born and I realized how little control I had over what happened!!

Mrs. G said...

Amen! Really the only ones that get on my nerves are the ones who act like I'm a bad parent if I don't run my household just like they do. They don't bother me so much if they just don't judge me for operating differently from them. After having two kids "Don't sweat the small stuff" has become my mantra!!

Mrs G said...

Tell me how you really feel HA, you're so right. Ive been VERY laid back and most people were shocked. My idea was they wont starve, fussing will not kill them in bed and Kids fall. Mine throw fits and I just walk away (at home, in a store we go to the bathroom till they calm) people look at me like im insane, but really? Crying will NOT kill them, sue me. I also didnt breastfeed and the nurse made me feel liek crap. My response? I got TWO kids and only TWO boobs and I have NO milk, you do it. I love it that your honest about stuff, makes me feel like no so much of a bithc.

Mrs G said...

I was told I was horrible when I was video taping my daughter pulling herself up on a mirror and laughing. She fell, I laughed. I guess Im a HORRIBLE parent.


Stephanie@BarefeetOntheFrontPorch said...

I meant to say that I only wanted no paci's in the very beginning -- once my oldest hit about five weeks, I tried thousands of times over to get her to take the thing! With JC, I didn't even care when she got it because I threw EVERYTHING out the window and we are just flying by the seat of our pants. She had one when she started learning to suck, but she won't take one now and it drives me NUTS!

sfloyd said...

Get this...I chose not to even try and breastfeed. I chose...not b/c I couldn't but b/c I'm a high stress person and I knew that I would STRESS out about the BF thing. So I didn't...I chose to keep ME happy and it, in turn, kept the hubbie happy and my daughter happy!

Mandee said...

Everyone parents differently. As long as you are taking care of your kids and providing them with what they need, that's all that matters. Mom Nazis and Non Mom Nazi's alike. I'd like to think I am somewhere in the middle. I still worry about my baby but not to the obsessive stage. But my baby was borm preemie so I think I will always be a little protective.

Sarah said...

Love it!! I have had these exact feelings so many times, and I have come home and laughed about it to my hubby. My motto is "They will live".

Syl said...


Laurin said...

My favorite quote is "I was a perfect mom before I had kids" because you think you know everything before you have a baby. You look at others and think to yourself, "I will NOT allow my child to act that way!" Haha!

Motherhood is all about survival!

Jumping Jack said...

I'd be one tired, stressed out mama if I worried about every fall, bump, bruise, germ, etc! I personally love it when he plays in the dirt, tastes it, steps on or chases bugs, etc. It's part of exploring his world, which I think is a good thing. Sometimes I think I'm too laid back when it comes to raising Jack, but there's not enough time in the day for me to shield him from everything!

We definitely do have our boundries and rules which make raising him easier for me, but I couldn't care less how others raise their kids.

And really? Judgy moms? We're all in this together - raising kids is HARD WORK!

My friend once had a lady come up and yell at her after her daughter fell out of a grocery cart. Was the mommy guilt of your child falling out of the cart not punishment enough?

PDeverit said...

Useful info (recommended by professionals):

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson

by Lesli Taylor MD and Adah Maurer PhD

Branson said...

Bravo! Lol, good stuff :)