Letters to Myself

Last year, I wrote a post entitled 'Letters to Myself' where I wrote a letter to myself at different ages.
I was reading it today and thought my new readers should probably read it.
I also updated it for you!

Dear 9 year old Brandi,
When your mom takes you to the eye doctor today, DO NOT pretend you can't read those letters just because you think it will be cool to have glasses. IT'S NOT. Because not only will you have to wear coke bottle glasses, but you will fake the eye exam so badly that the doctor actually thinks you are legally blind in your left eye and will make you wear an eye patch over your "good eye" and read for an hour EVERY DAY to strengthen the "bad eye".
PS- you're an idiot.

Dear 14 year old Brandi,
Sun In is so super hot right now, but don't give in... it will make your hair some awful shade of shit brown. Also, quit fighting with your sister so much, deep down you really want to be just like her and believe it or not, she will become your best friend when you are older.

Dear 16 year old Brandi,
No matter what you think, cigarettes are not cool. There is no need for you to drive to your secret "smoke spot" with your best friend before every softball game to huff down one lousy cigarette. You're gross.
Also, don't forget about your family. I know you think your friends are top priority now, but trust me, your family will become your best friends in due time.

Dear 17 year old Brandi,
Please, for the love of God, QUIT TANNING! You are ruining your beautiful skin!
Oh, and when you get the idea to change up your hair, don't decide to go platinum blonde! It will totally fry your hair and take years to repair!

Dear 18 year old Brandi,
This year is your first year in college and you will meet your future husband in Government class. You are still young and won't know he's the one for many years. You will have your ups and downs with him, but hang in there... I know you see what a great man he is capable of being, and trust me... he changes into the best man you could ever hope for.
Also, this is the year you will decide you want kids after you hold your nephew for the first time.

Dear 21 year old Brandi,
You will move into an apartment with a friend this year and will have a blast.
Even if she does turn out to be the chick from "Single White Female" and start copying everything you do. It will be really funny in a couple of years and you'll have a ton of great memories.

Dear 22 year old Brandi,
Ease up on the fast food and drinking... you will be fat in the next couple years and will have to work your ass off to lose that weight. Don't think that just because your boyfriend eats it, means you can too. YOU CAN'T!
Get your ass in a gym STAT!

Dear 24 year old Brandi,
You will get married this year to the man you've been with for 6 years!
I know you wanted to lose that weight before you got married, and you didn't. You will look back on your wedding pictures and wish you had. No worries though, you will buckle down and get healthy soon.

Dear 25 year old Brandi,
You will meet the absolute love of your life this year. His name is Big T, and he is your son. He has the most beautiful blue eyes, chubby cheeks and light brown hair. Everyone says he should be the Gerber baby. I know you are scared about being a parent and the unknown, but don't worry, motherhood will come very naturally to you.
T is the best baby in the world and you will be the happiest you have ever been with him.
Side note: You are fat. But with a lot of hard work, you are about to lose a bunch of weight and will feel amazing!

Dear 26 Year old Brandi,
I am so proud of you! You have lost over 60 pounds since having T and you look amazing!
And your son, well he turns 1 this year, and you and your husband start thinking/planning for baby #2!!!

Dear 27 Year old Brandi,
You are one Fertile Myrtle! You are now pregnant with your second baby and will get to meet him or her this year! This pregnancy goes by MUCH faster than the last (probably because you are chasing around a toddler all the time) but you don't mind it one bit. The thought of adding to your family makes you giddy (and somewhat scared)! You are worried about juggling it all, but don't worry, you will adjust like you always do!
Your family will be complete after baby number 2 comes....

....or so you think....



Jen said...

I loved these! The 9 year old one literally had me laughing uncontrollably!

Amber said...

Hahaha! I love this. I tried to get glasses when I was a kid too, why did we think that was cool?!

Ms. Best said...

Holy tearing at my heart strings! I choked up on some of those later ones! It's so crazy to think about unknowingly meeting the one, or finding the little love of your life!

Tarah Brenny said...

This made me cry, Mama! I love it! PS-That ending made me think you are going to have a baby #3??? Is that true!!?!??! If so, I am so excited for you and what's to come. You are such an inspiration.