My Child, The Biter

Oh yes, my sweet little 21 month old got in trouble for biting at daycare yesterday!!!
I know, GASP!
How can this sweet face turn into such a little snot?

He bit a kid so hard that the kid has a big bruise from it!
Can I just say how pissed I would be if I came to pick up my child from school and he had a BITE MARK on him from another child?
I feel like I owe that mom an apology!
I don't even know her, or the kid he bit for that matter!
I am so not ready to be apologizing and held responsible for my child's actions.
Which I will have to be until he turns 18. Ugh.
No one informed me about this part of parenting!

So when we got in the car yesterday after I picked him up I turned to him in his carseat and I firmly said "Big T, you have been a BAD BOY today! We don't bite!!"

The face I got I wish I could have recorded.
It was the single most adorable face I've ever seen.
He was so disappointed in himself. His eyes filled up with tears and his lip started to quiver.
I don't know why it made me smile (I had to turn around so he couldn't see me). Maybe I was happy that he actually recognized what he had done.
Or maybe it was just the cutest/saddest face ever!

He went through a biting phase a few months back, but he hadn't done it in awhile so I thought it was over with.... apparently I was wrong.

So he will be "shadowed" for the next 3 days by the teachers to make sure it doesn't happen again.

He has also started telling me "no!"
Now, he knows what this word means (hell, we probably say it to him a million times a day), but he's never used it against us before.
I am not a fan of the "no" phase.

Where did my sweet child go??

How did you discipline your child when he/she entered the "defiant age"?



Emily Moreno said...

I tell my 3 (almost 4) yr old girl that she's not the boss and to quit telling us how she thinks it should go or what she wants to do. She then says... but I'm the boss to my babies?!?! I confirm, yes but not to me or Daddy or brother for that matter. So you do what I say! .....I'll let you know when that decides to work. B/c so far everything I do has been a big fail! She TRYS to run us! (I won't give in though!!!)

Ashley said...

Oh the joys of daycare...not that they are perfect before, but they learn so much from other kids and sometimes it's not always good. Cole went through the biting stage, it was how he dealt with his frustration, chances are that other kid pissed T off first.

We are still in the no stage, not sure it ever goes away. We always stop him in his tracks and ask him how he is supposed to speak to Mommy and Daddy and make him reword everything politely. It SOMETIMES makes him think before he yells.

Good luck!

Dottie said...

Hey Girl! First, how ADORABLE is your Son?! I have 3 kids and my oldest is 13 going on 14, I ask myself everyday, seriously, what happened to my sweet girl? I hear she'll return in 5 years or so. Oh man!! Parenting is so hard! It's different stages of issues. I had to explain what "addicted" means to my 6 year old because it's in some song she heard.

Second, you truley are inspirational and honestly have been my workout inspiration this week. My baby is 10 months old and I'm still rocking gaucho's because none of my pants fit. Tear!

Have a good weekend!


Tina said...

Biting happens. Even when shadowed, it can happen in a blink of an eye. It is a phase some kids go through. This too will pass. It is not necessarily a reflection of the child, parent or provider. :o)

Erica said...

When Hayden was 2 I literally would get called at work a few times a week from the daycare saying he had bitten somebody. I did all I could but it kept happening. I really thought they were going to kick him out. Thank God it ended and we just kept firm with him. Now Addy is the one being bit at school. I know how it feels to be the mother of the child who bites so I don't get upset. It's just a phase and as long as it isn't breaking the skin I just let it go. It's hard going through this phase! Just wait for the hitting to begin!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

I was a biter! And a swirly giver! I was the devil .....

Pops said...

2 words come to mind.

Erin W said...

When Kyah tell us "no" I turn to him and say "What did you mean to say".... I have taught him that you say "Yes Ma'am" or "Yes sir" instead. it's of course something that we work on every day because his first response is usually "no". Granted he has surprised me with a "yes ma'am" a time or two without being asked to say it. If anything it is getting him in the habit. I don't go easy or let up on him. I make time to discipline him even if I am on the phone. I put the phone down or call them back depending on the situation. It's important to me that I spend quality time in the discipline so that he knows I take bad behavior serious.

I addition to that I make him sit down when throwing a fit or crying. I don't mind crying at the appropriate time, but the whining... nah uh. He is to sit down wherever he might be. I don't send him away to a special place. The place of discipline is right then, right there. If anything, having him sit down helps to calm him down a bit so that I can tell him why he's in trouble. These boys are smart. They know what we are talking about, WAY more than they can communicate to us. Once I talk to him, if it's something that I can make him go re-do the "right way" I make him do it. Even if it takes time I don't feel I have. After than he is made to give me a hug and kiss {and I to him}. We are all smiles and life goes on.

There are other things I do depending on the situation. Not all actions can be handled the same way. Granted, that would make life so much easier huh! lol

That's just a few of the things that I created that work well in our house.

Stephanie said...

Ahh yes biting, it's an "awesome" phase out of many "awesome" phases. haha. Both my boys went through biting others and they were each bitten a few times at daycare as well, as long as you reinforce each time that it's not a good thing, the habit will pass. No worries momma!
Oh and I really don't have any advice other than to be the best parent you know how to be, after all, I did tell you the other day that my child tried to put my ass in time out so what do I know?!!?

Liz said...

my daughter has been the one BITTEN by the same child 5-6 times at daycare. it has been really awful to be on that side of the situation but reading how awful you felt about your son biting this other child makes me hope the other parents feel just as badly about their son biting our daughter. it's hard to ever get closure on an issue like that bc of anonymity policies so no parents can ever really talk TO each other about the issue. I'll just pretend the other parents are as apologetic and you & I'll take some peace from that :)

Laurin said...

As you know, Avery was bitten by a little girl at his first sitter's house. As much as I worried about it, he never even acted like he remembered. Tucker has probably been bit or seen other kids biting at school. Just talk to him about it (even though I can bet you wont ever have to deal with this outside of daycare). He is a sweet boy and I'm sure he was heartbroken when he hurt the other kid.

Magda said...

It does suck having to apologize for your child! My first daughter was (and sometimes still is) a hitter. My 14 mo old hasn't done anything yet, but I'm not looking forward to find out which poison she is going to pick - biting, hitting, pinching...

The key to discipline I've found is to be consistent. We started time out around that age and a spank (yes, *gasp* I spank) when it was a big no-no. Now that she is 3.5, we've found that taking away a privilege or toy works better. We just make sure to follow through with what we say (which is hard sometimes!)

I heard/read a long time ago to not say they are being bad boys or bad girls...because they aren't bad, their decision/action was bad. So we say 'you did a bad thing when you______' and then proceed with the punishment.

Good luck!!!

Lauren said...

Will you do a post on your fav baby products?

Miss S. said...

Your school is right on with the shadowing. My guess is he is ready to meet a verbal milestone with his emotions. The other kid was probably just in his space & he could say "back off" so he bit. Most children don't walk up to someone & bite unless they are needing attention.

platform beds said...

Thanks for the blog post. it was really interesting.

outdoor furniture cushions