3.10.2012

This is what I know...

I know how it feels to cry uncontrollably because you are that unhappy with your body.

I know how it feels to scour the back of the clothes rack, only to realize the biggest size they carry in store doesn't fit you.

I know what it's like to feel defeated in the dressing room.

I know how it feels to grab the XL thinking it will be too big and come to find out, it's actually too small.

I know how it feels to sit down and pull at your shirt to try and hide your rolls.

I know what it's like to pour yourself into your jeans.

I know how it feels when the buttons from those jeans cut into your skin and leave painful marks.

I know what it's like to stand in your closet full of clothes that are all too small wondering what you're going to wear that day.

I know all about not owning a scale to "avoid the truth."

I know what it's like to change over and over every day before you finally find something that doesn't make you look THAT fat.

I know what it's like to hide fast food wrappers from your significant other.

I know how it feels to crave junk ALL THE TIME.

I know how it feels to see cute fashion trends, only to realize they don't make them in your size.

I know how it is to think "oh SOMEDAY I'll get back into my skinny jeans."

I know how it feels to be so out of breath from just shopping.

I know all about avoiding outings where you'll be standing for long periods of time because you know you'll get tired.

I know how it feels when your thighs rub together when you walk.

I know how it feels to FEEL your fat jiggling with every move you make.

I know all about "Starting my diet on Monday."

I know how shameful it feels when that diet fails.

I know the only thing that cures that shame is more junk food.

I know all about that vicious cycle.

I know how it is to feel like a prisoner in your own body.



BUT I also know how great it feels after you've been eating healthy for a few weeks.

And how amazing it is to see the pounds melt off.

And how it feels when you go to put on a pair of pants that were tight last month and now they're too big!

And how strong you feel when you run your first mile.

And how much better you sleep after you rid your body of all the junk you've been feeding it.

And how much more energy you have.

And how it feels to buy a smaller size.

And how it feels to hear people say that you look great.

And how you never knew you could be so proud of yourself for something.

And how it feels to do it the RIGHT way, with hard work and dedication.

And how all of a sudden you crave foods that are good for you.

And how it feels to look at a picture you didn't know was being taken and actually think you look cute and NOT fat.

And how great it feels when your husband starts to get all touchy-feely with you again.

And how it boosts your confidence when you start getting hit on.

And that amazing sense of accomplishment you will feel when you step on the scale and you've reached your goal.

I know.


So don't tell me it's hard.

I know.

Don't tell me it's not possible.

IT IS.

Don't tell me "I'll start Monday."

Start today.

Don't tell me you can't do it.

I did. And you CAN.

96 comments:

Emily said...

Thank you! This was wonderful because I know how you feel both ways! I appreciate you sharing your journey!

morrest1101 said...

Thanks for speaking directly to me. It's much needed... Happy Saturday... I'll start now. I only have 80lbs to lose. The thought is horrendously scary but needs to happen. I turn 30 in October and want to be healthy. Thanks for the tears running down my face after reading your post.

talya.fleschner said...

SO PERFECT! And honest. I legit identified with every one of the sentences in the first section. I started my second week of C25k today (thanks to your inspiration and motivation!) and I am already down 3 1/2 lbs! Not much, but it's movement in the right direction! Thanks again!

Jenn said...

Great post! I appreciate you for keeping me motivated. :)

Amanda said...

=) I sat here nodding my head and smiling for most of your post. It's reassuring to know that I am not alone in all of those feelings in the top section of your post. I can't wait to share some of the experiences in the second half. I'm down about 4 pounds so far, with about 50 more to go to reach my first BIG dream weight. Thank you.

Coby said...

Wow. Thanks for this! Very inspiring.

Boilergrl16 said...

Tears lots of tears. You inspire me Brandi. With the help of your blog/inspiration I've lost 30 pounds. Thank you for your honesty and humor.

Boilergrl16 said...

Tears lots of tears. You inspire me Brandi. With the help of your blog/inspiration I've lost 30 pounds. Thank you for your honesty and humor.

Boilergrl16 said...

Tears lots of tears. You inspire me Brandi. With the help of your blog/inspiration I've lost 30 pounds. Thank you for your honesty and humor.

Boilergrl16 said...

Tears lots of tears. You inspire me Brandi. With the help of your blog/inspiration I've lost 30 pounds. Thank you for your honesty and humor.

Alecia said...

this made me cry. i'm so depressed right now. the 30 day shred has made me GAIN 3 lbs after 2 weeks. i don't want to do it anymore. this happened last year to me too, before i got pregnant with my second. exercising actually made me GAIN weight instead of lose. so, of course, i gave it up.i don't mind running, but since after having my second baby, my left hip kills me if i even go on long walks or shopping! let alone running. it will pulse with pain. i HATE cooking. so much infact that i can't even make regular fatty dinners for my family, let alone put together something "healthy" for myself. wwwaaaaahhhh!!! i'm thinking i need to join weight watchers. and go the the dr. i'm NOT normal.
i just want you to know you are so inspirational. i'm sure you've been told it a thousand times, but you really really are! you tell the truth. and the fact that you aren't some naturally skinny little bitch (sorry, i'm a little bitter), its sooo nice to hear for the rest of us who fight this battle of not being as small as everyone else. there is a book that i think you'd enjoy reading, maybe. its called women food and god. i'm in the middle of it , and i don't know quite what to think of it. keep up your awesomeness. and never ever stop blogging!!!! the fact that someone actually understands all those feelings that you just posted about, feels so good to know that i'm not alone.
you rock!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

Just what I needed to hear! Love you BL!! :)

The Life of Susan said...

Amen sister!!! I agree 100%!!!

Mary M said...

Im totally sitting right here crying right now!!! Thanks for this post

K said...

Thank you for this post! Right when I needed it, too. I don't know how many times I have told my husband, "I'm fat" in the past 24 hours. I'm just feeling very defeated. I think I get almost scared of losing weight. I keep losing and gaining the same 10 lbs. Reading your blog has really motivated me to keep going.

Keri said...

Best. Post. Ever! Thank you! I'm bookmarking this one to read each day! You are awesome!

J & H Perkins said...

Thank you so much! You are truly an inspiration!

Theresa said...

This could not have been more beautiful,perfect and profound!!!thank you for putting words to such a painful crutch!You inspire me to keep fighting!!!!

Theresa said...

Good luck on the 80 pounds journey!i am on a 60 pound journey myself and im turning 31 in may:) btw you'll LOVE your 30's!!!!!They are sooooo fabulous!!!

Hannah said...

I had my 2nd daughter end of July, and you constantly keep me motivated. When I start to get into a slump I just read a post of yours and I am off again. Thank you!

MommaExpat said...

Posts like this make me want to cry and hug you through the interwebs at the same time. Thank you.

Bekki C said...

Your post made me cry. I was there not fitting into my clothes, trying to hid the fat roles. Your post keeps me motivated because I have started eating better and exercising. Your blog rocks! Thanks for telling it like it is.

Nancy Clue said...

Perfect! Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it today, and judging from the above comments, I'm sure a lot of other gals needed it too.

Heidi said...

Love this! Thank you for the motivation!

Kelley said...

Just hopped over from Fitness Magazine's best weight loss blog nominee list, and I'm so glad I did! This was just what I needed in front of my face this morning. Thank you.

Emily @ RemarkableHome said...

I like this post. Those with weight problems can certainly relate. But I have to say there are some people who cannot lose weight in their own for a variety of reasons. They just can't. There are some people who need the help of a doctor in one way or another. And even with a doctors help substantial life changing weight loss may never happen. And I think it's important for people to realize that. It's NOT just about willpower and calories in, calories out. Some people's bodies just don't work right.

Lynsey said...

Thanks! I needed this.

katerjay said...

Thank you :) for sharing your shame, your scale, your good days, and your bad days. It is inspiring!

jlee said...

You couldn't have said that any better! Perfect!!! Thanks for the motivation! It's people like you that have changed peoples lives and made them realize that it CAN be done!

Carrie said...

Beautiful!
After 8 weeks, I got my first "I can tell you've lost a lot of weight" today from a good friend. (Other than from the hubs)
Thank you the motivation to keep going!

Serial Monogamist said...

Fuck yeah.

Hiding fast food wrappers from your significant other - you got me with that one.

I also saw someone today who I haven't seen in a year, and she told me TWICE how great I look. It was awesome.

Thanks for being so encouraging!

<3

Kristal said...

ok, I dont 'know you, but I LOVE YOU! I just had baby #5 last week, and even though I am about 20lbs smaller than when I had my first 3, I'm horribly depressed about losing the last 40 (lost 25 with birth, but ALWAYS gain 65). A friend told me about your blog and that you're hilarious and totally inspiring, and I SO agree. I know both sides too. I've gone from 255 to 143 in a little over a year, and it was so amazing the difference in the overall person that I became...and I feel like I'm back to fat, frumpy me...but just knowing, and being reminded by this posts, how it feels to be on the other side, I'm totally motivated! THANKS!!! Keep posting!!!!!

Aly said...

Your blog is truly inspiring. I've tried everything (I say everything cause I've been too lazy to face the truth) to lose weight, and I stumbled upon your blog one day and finally came to the realization that the only way I will make myself happy about me, is to get off my ass and do work. So thank you.

Former Fat Bride said...

I loved this post, thank you!

Tiff Hunt said...

I absolutely L.O.V.E.D reading this! Thank you so much for the motivation. I need all I can get!!!

Sam said...

Loved this - could of written this list myself... thanks for sharing!!

sunkisses007 said...

Thank you for posting this! SO true. All of it!

Vanessa said...

This post went straight to my heart. I know both sides as well. One is just easier to see than the other. Time to change that! Thanks for always being so real lady!

Holly said...

Preach it, Mama L!!

Samantha said...

I loved this post. Last week, I found myself reading your old blog posts, and feeling refreshed. I'm currently underway with a lifestyle change and training for a 5k. Eating healthy is hard when you're an underpaid graduate student, but I'm trying to make it work.

Thanks for your inspiration!

Emily said...

Love this post! Thanks for sharing;)

Emily Moreno said...

Thumbs up for this post! Thanks for relating!

Domesticated-Bliss said...

LOVE. THIS.

Nicole said...

Awesome post! So much TRUTH! Thanks again for more inspiration! Down 11 lbs! Yea!!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Ugh I want the pounds off! Great post and it's very true!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Ugh I want the pounds off! Great post and it's very true!

Kerry said...

I very rarely comment on blogs. However, I feel it is necessary for you to know how extremely motivating you are to women (and men) everywhere! I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life and I have given up many times. But, after seeing your struggles mimic my own, I feel more committed. It is great to be reminded of how wonderful you feel once you lose weight. I just want to sincerely thank you for putting it all out there, being brutally honest, and posting what works for you. THANK YOU!

Stephanie said...

Great motivational post!

Kim said...

WELL SAID!!!! I must read it weekly. Thanks

Erin Wear said...

Your Blog is amazing. I have been looking for a weight loss blog that speaks directly to me and you have nailed it. And this post was like a slap in the face. I feel like I'm the fat you, still trying to figure out my routine. I have a husband, I have a full time plus more job, I have 2 kids and I have no time. But you have all this and you make time, so I can too. Thank you for being such an inspiration. I almost wish we lived closer so you could be my motivational friend to help me run, but only if you dont "shart" in your pants when we do =)

Meggan said...

i LOVED this!! Thank you!!! i needed to hear it today! I lost 30lbs and gained 20 back and its hard to start over again sometimes!!

babychirps said...

TY for sharing
I Have lost 25 pounds and am in a Plateau now, I know I will succeed

color me beau said...

I am so glad that I've stumbled onto your blog. This is exactly what I needed. I am day 22 into a 30-day juice fast, and after an especially trying day at work I almost blew it all away. Finding your blog and reading your posts, particularly this one, has helped me find inner strength. Thank you!!!! <3<3<3

Unknown said...

I am so glad I found your blog while perousing a friends pinterest.... I lost 60 pounds to get pregnant. Gained it all back after my baby was born (she is almost 4). I lost 40 pounds last spring... ran 3 5k's - hurt my knee, Thanksgiving, Christimas and then gal bladder surgery followed by an infection has not put me at my all time high.... NO MORE EXCUSES.... THANK YOU! Needed a reality check that I am NO ALONE!

Lindsay said...

WOW! Tears are streaming. You said everything I have ever thought, everything I have ever struggled with. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for you honesty.

Jessie said...

Amazing and Thank you! I started to do the 30 DS back in January and then I got my monthly visitor and I stopped. That was my excuse! Just this week I said to myself I am going to start next Monday and then I find your blog, so needless to say I am starting tomorrow!

Again, thanks for your motivation!

Jessie

kt2006 said...

I can't wait to start. I am starting today! i did two 5k's last year. I can't belive its been a year because I gained all my weight back plus some. I am going to start over and stick to it. I am going to do another 5k this spring. I will get it done thanks to your motivation.. I look forward to reading more!

Kimberlee Pollard said...

thanks for this! a friend just directed me to your blog. i've ran 2 half marathons (one while pregnant) and now post-pregnancy with a five month old i'm at a stand still. i did the 30 day shred (in 60 days) have lost 40 pounds but now i'm stuck. so thanks for your honesty. i'm starting tonight. going to restart my shred & start running again! seriously thank you.

Lori said...

I am so crying right now. I am so thankful I came across your blog! I have been struggling for years as well - been a fat girl all my teen/adult life. I have lost 50 lbs. in the past THREE years - yep, it's taken me that long - but I have 40-ish more to go :) AND...I am stalking you from here on in!!! LOL...KEEP ON ROCKIN' IT GIRL!!! Thank you!!!!

Lacy said...

I SOOOOO needed to read this! Thanks for the inspiration!!!

adventuresofadogmom said...

This post was one that really spoke to me, I understand each and every one of those lines and am working hard to change it.

I somehow stumbled onto your blog this morning and have been reading a lot about your weight loss journey. You're doing a great job and inspiring others. Thank you.

Kathleen @ The Midwest Momma said...

I know you have lots of comments (and emails!!), but just wanted to say I found your blog today and you are amazeballs. seriously. As dorky as it sounds, you are completely my motivation. I even went to the gym at lunch today to run even though my hubby wanted to go out to eat LOL. It felt awesome. THANK YOU!!!

Nichole said...

I came across your blog yesterday through Pinterest and you are truly inspiring! I've been reading your posts, you are hilarious! I feel very motivated after reading your weight loss story. I started working out a couple of weeks ago and it is a daily struggle to get the work out in but I do it and feel great afterwards. Thank you for my motivation today :)

Keep up the Amazing job. Holla!!!

Dawn said...

Oh yes 30's are awesome!!!

Andrea @ Love is... said...

Wow. Could this post be any more perfect?! Just found your blog & I'm so glad I did! Loving it already! Great job lady! I hope to be in your weight loss shoes, one day soon! = )

Susan said...

I've been reading your blog from the beginning and LOVE IT! You are such a huge inspiration to me! I've been through a lot of the same things as you and have a baby, trying to get the MILF back!! Thanks for your blog! Its awesome! And thanks for this post. I could have written it myself for sure!!

kto420 said...

I honestly cried when i read this, because i feel those feelings and so defeated, but you have inspired me with your humor and success to keep going and keep folowing your blog. thank you :)

Caution: Sox Ahead said...

Needed this. Thank you :)

Ashleigh Megan said...

I really needed this. Pretty much everything you said I have gone through and felt. I have never been skinny... I am 18 years old and obese. I start a diet, lose 10 pounds and think, "Oh, I deserve a treat for this!" and then that "treat" ruins everything. I do wanna lose weight, I just haven't found the motivation; well, haven't stuck to my motivation... Thank you so much! I love this blog. You give awesome advice and congrats on your weight loss! You look awesome :)

Julie said...

Wow. I am super glad that found your site. I think this is what I've been needing. Ever since I got engaged in July 2010, and then married in July 2011, I've been fighting the good weight fight. And it sucks. I lost 13lbs earlier this year, only to gain it all back. Plus, I've started to get into running and really do enjoy it.

Thank you for your brutal honesty about yourself and for putting it all out there for people like me to see.

I am 26 years old and needing a change.

Thank you very much!

Plus, I'm pretty sure if Laughlin is your last name, then our last names are pronounced the same, mine is Laflen. =)

Stacy said...

This is amazing. I am so glad I found your blog! Am definitely in need of some motivation after having baby #3 in October '11. These last 10 lbs are the absolute hardest!! Thank you!

BethanyNoel said...

Well, I just stumbled upon your blog. And you intimidate the crap out of me! but I will risk my life and leave a comment. This made me cry. I know all about the feelings you posted at the top. I had a wonderful life but I was depressed every day because of my weight. Depressed in a way I thought no one would understand. I currently know how the bottom list feels. I love these feelings... I am so happy now that I've lost only 30 of the 45 I had to lose.

Nicole said...

I just discovered your blog this morning. LOVE IT!!! Way to go! I began running mid February at 216lbs I am now down to 191, all done the healthy way. Today was suppose to be my off day but after laying in bed reading your blog all I could think to do was get up, get my running shoes on and hit my trail. Thanks to you I did my personal best 5mile run!!!

Haunani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haunani said...

Wow! Amazing post! Totally hits home. Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share all things we all feel but don't ever say. You're an inspiration.

dragonflyhopes said...

Thank you for being so open and honest in sharing your story. I went down this road before and lost 90 pounds. That was before the bulging disc in my low back,the 6 months of steroid injections which wrecked havoc on my weight and before I hit the downhill side of 40. Now,I am on the uphill climb of 3 years from 50,have more bulging disc and am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I may not be able to do high impact running,but I can start moving again. So I tip my hat and my spinach smoothie to you.

emtresq88 said...

I need motivation help. How do you get motivated? I've lost 60 lbs... Gained 10-15 of it back (depending on the day). How do you do it? Im back to the point of being so uncomfortable that I cry when I have to get dressed. I was 210 lbs. I got down to 148. Now I'm back up to 160-165. I'm terrified of being fat again. I was unhappy. And I don't want my boyfriend to have to go through that version of me. Any suggestions?

kpatton said...

I found a link to your blog today on Pinterest. It seems to be the inspiration I've been looking for. I fell off the bandwagon in March after working and working and only losing 5 lbs since the first of the year. After seeing this today, I just went out into the garage (where it's hot and I'd sweat more) and did a brief workout. It wasn't much but I'm feeling it. I have 50 lbs to lose! Thanks for the motivation to get up again!

amo1989 said...

I got teary eyed when I read this because this is exactly what happened to me. I sobbed uncontrolably last week so bad that I couldn't catch my breath. And it was all because I couldn't find anything to wear for work the next day and I really wanted to look nice because my parents would be coming into my work. Had I known by boyfriend was in the next room, I would have not let it all out. I started counting my calories on Wednesday of last week and exercising 30 min a day. I didn't do so well over the weekend because, like you, I drank - A LOT! I am back at it today and am planning to stick with it after reading some of your posts!

Desiree' said...

You are truly an inspiration! I finally got to the point in my life last week where I said...THIS IS ENOUGH! I am tired of feeling so bad!!! I am 33 years old and a single mother of one fantastic little boy who struggles with Autism. Our lives are hectic to say the least. Since his diagnosis...I am put my health on the back burner. Every thing I have done in the past 2 years is how to help my son. I guess what I forgot was...I AM his biggest advocate...but if I am not taking care of myself then something horrible could happen to me. So I started changing things....I have lost 4 pounds in 10 days. I reached that horrible over 200 pound mark (204 to be exact)...so one more pound and I am under that dreadful number! You have encouraged me to blog...starting today! Thank you!

LoveLikeCrazy said...

Thank you! This was awesome. I just recently found your blog (through Pinterest of course) and I'm quite addicted. Reading your struggles and victories are real motivation to help me recommit to the last 50 lbs of the 170 I started out to lose. Again thank you so much for sharing.

MiChelle said...

Very inspiring! Thank you

ME! said...

stumbled across your blod and LOVE IT! this was the post i needed to see today (plus a few others of yours!!) keep it up from a fellow fat girl from Texas!

Jennifer Legge said...

I came across your blog via pinterest. I am still reading through all your postings but so far, I have fallen in love with your determination and feisty attitude. I love this post in particular.Being overweight and having more that 100 pounds I would like to lose it is nice to know that there is someone out there that shares my feelings exactly. The looking at the back of the rack for the biggest size... thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel!!

Stephanie Evans said...

This post is perfect motivation. Thank you for your honest and candid commentary... it was like I could have written the first part of the posting myself! You are truly inspiring!

Kristin said...

I don't know how many times I've read this so far, but thank you so much. It's the inspiration I need.

Kendra said...

I found your blog on Pinterest and I keep coming back to this post. Like so many others, I find you very inspiring. Every time I want to quit, I hear the words of this post in my head and I keep going. Someday I really will lose this 100 lbs that I've been trying to lose for years.

seaflower2004 said...

I also found your blog on Pinterest. You are so amazing and inspiring! Maybe, after I lose the 125 pounds that I need to lose, maybe I will be as beautiful as you. You truely are an inspiration to me. I may never be able to run, but I will try. But first, I'm going to start eating right and watching everything that I put into my body. I love you. Thank you for being such an inspiration! <3

Amber Schneider said...

I swear that you are speaking directly to me...the above sentences I could have written on my own! The belows give me hope! I am every single last one of the top sentences...I could sit and cry for hours if it weren't for me having to take care of my 9 month old...I will change dammit!!! I want to be hot again...and not just because it's texas and I am fat hot...I am getting the 30 day shred today!!! You are an inspiration...and if I had time to blog about it, I would! I CAN DO THIS!

Jenny said...

Clearly, I am late to this party! What a fantastic blog. Thanks for documenting your success, thanks for being encouraging AND humourous, and thanks for showing it can be done without extra money spent on programs or special miracle fixes! I'm on the train and it's only recently left the station, but the best journeys take a little time. Inspiration and perspiration, I'm going to need both to get where I am going. :-)

Jechandler said...

Thank you SO much for this blog! You are such an inspiration....and believe me, I need DAILY inspiration! I love your positive attitude about everything :) You've inspired (and challenged) me to get off my butt and make it happen! Thank you! I will definitely be looking forward to reading your blogs each day!!! :)

The Future Mrs. R. said...

Thank you for this! I, too, am struggling with weight loss as well as a possible food allergy, so I really needed to read this today! It has inspired me to do the same thing! Thank you, again, and I hope I have the discipline to get where I want to be and to blog about it! I'm going to try my hardest to make it work! Thanks, again!

ctminnesota said...

Right on, sister!! I identified with every single one of those statements. Your blog is an inspiration....so nice to read from someone who has taken a similar journey as I have. You rock.

Amanda said...

Confession...I have this page bookmarked on my phone and everytime I feel the urge to fluff up...I read this. You have been such an absolute inspiration to me. After having my daughter, the weight I needed to lose seemed so overwhelming. I was literally the elephant in the room that no one was talking 'bout! Reading your blog helped me get my fat ass in gear and do it the right way. Thanks for bein' a babe and making me strive to be a better me!

Karen said...

Every time I read this, I cry. These are all things I have felt but have never been brave enough to admit.

Elizabeth said...

the tears are telling me i needed to read this. thank you for writing it. i'm going through everything you describe at the beginning of the post. i'm scared to death of getting healthy but i'm also scared shitless NOT to. thanks for the help. seriously.