9.14.2012

WHY I was fat. My 1,000th Post

This is my 1,000th post y'all. That's insane. If you've read my blog start to finish, I'm quite impressed! Because really, probably 40% of what I write is just "filler." Regardless, this post will be anything but.

Today I thought I'd share with you a little bit about the emotional side of WHY I was fat.


We all know HOW I got fat: I ate shit and I didn't move my body. For like 7 years. That equaled about a 50 lb. weight gain. Not awesome. But I've never really touched on WHY I was fat.
And honestly, I can only tell you the reasons now, in hindsight.

You always see on The Biggest Loser when the contestants have a "breakthrough" moment. When they are working out so hard and just lose it. They start sobbing uncontrollably, and the trainers immediately leech to them and want to talk it out. Get to the bottom of their deep seeded issues. WHY they got they way they are.

I've had those moments. The moments during a really tough workout where I have just started crying uncontrollably because I was tired, it was hard, my thighs rubbed together, and I could feel my fat jiggling and it just disgusted me. To the point of tears. I was mad. Mad because I'd allowed myself to get to that point. Mad because none of my friends had weight problems and had to bust their ass like I did. Mad at my husband because he could eat a cheeseburger and fries for lunch every day and not gain an ounce. Mad because IT WAS HARD. And I hated it. Mad at the world because this was just NOT FAIR. I didn't feel like I should have to work out every day! It was bullshit!

Even then, in the middle of those tears I didn't have a "breakthrough" moment. I didn't know WHY I got fat. Honestly, I always just thought it was because I loved to effing eat. And I was lazy. And those are both true, but now, after the weight loss, looking back, I can tell you why I was fat.

It stems from feeling inadequate. Starting in my sports playing days.
I played softball for.ev.er. Competitively. Like very competitively. From a very early age.
And I was good, sure. But my friends? They were like badass. And it always seemed that I had to try so much harder than them, just to be good. And they were just naturally gifted. It angered me. And it wasn't fair.
I practiced my heart out. Consistently. And I was really good. But they were always better than me.
I always felt cheated because I always felt like I had a bigger heart for the sport and they could have really cared less about it and were still these rockstar athletes. And there I was, busting my ass to just be "good".
They got scholarships to college to play, and I knew I never would. I was happy for them, but I just felt inadequate.
And it wasn't just in sports either.
They were pretty and the guys just fell all over them. I was cute, sure, but again, I felt not good enough next to my friends.
Looking back, I also think it was because I didn't put out in high school. Yep, I graduated a virgin. Proud of it. 
But I know that's where my feelings of inadequacy stemmed from.
And I think that spilled over into my relationships.
I met The Hubs right out of high school and never felt good enough in our relationship either. Not in the early days at least. We had A LOT of ups and downs. More downs than up in the beginning. And that didn't help my self confidence level at all.

So I ate. 

It made me feel fulfilled for the time being.
I wasn't a binge eater or anything. Not that I really recall at least. I mean, it wasn't uncommon for me to have 1,000+ calories in a single meal. But I didn't like shovel it in my mouth at record speeds or anything.
I just didn't care about what I ate or why. I just liked the taste of food. It made me happy.
Food never judged me. It was never better than I was. It was always there for me.

I used to plan my days around my meals. Like getting so excited about what meal was next.
That's not how you should live your life.

In retrospect, I am more than proud to have gone what I've gone through.
To have felt inadequate at a young age. To have had my issues with food. To have overcome them. And now to be able to share all of that with you.
It has made me the person I am today, and I'm more than happy for a tough road paved.

Had I not gone through all that, I wouldn't have found out the WHY.

Now, when I reach a milestone and tears stream down my face because I just ran 10 miles without stopping, it is THEN that I am able to build myself back up. The feelings of being inadequate disappear and in comes pride in it's place.

I have so much more I want to accomplish. I take pride in my journey and knowing it's not over, but that it's just begun!


I'll take Pride over Inadequacy ANYDAY!



post signature

76 comments:

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

you are so very awesome.

Anonymous said...

You f-ing rock, and you're f-ing hot! thanks for all that you share!!

Sabrina said...

You are a bad ass now! Rock on Mama!

Courtney from Journey of a Dreamer said...

This is awesome. Thanks for opening up and sharing. So many people seem to have a hard time figuring out the why - lose a ton of weight - only to gain it back. I think this is helping you maintain your loss. You're a friggin rockstar!

Chelsea @ CardioandCocktails said...

Awesome post! You are so open with every part of your journey which helps so many others as well as hopefully helps you. Thanks for always being honest and upfront with your readers!

HAMC529 said...

LOVE, that is all I have to say!

Vannrie K said...

You're like the little personal trainer in my head -- I had 27 years of practice ignoring the voice in my head that told me not to eat something or to get off my ass. Then you came along, and you're wayyyyy louder than that little voice I so easily disregarded. Got married over labor day weekend and have been sitting on my ass and eating shit since like three days before... I did go for a run the other day - after I saw your post about sleeping when you're dead. Anyway -- thanks for being loud and obnoxious -- even if you are just in my head. :)

Lisa Weth said...

You are so inspiring! :)

Coming from the all-star cheerleader in high school weighing a whopping 110lbs (5'6") and always looking good no matter what I ate! I always said, I'll never let myself go.. and here I am, 25, a mom of a beautiful almost 3 year old boy, wife to the hardest working man I know and 168lbs. But through it all, I am happy with my life... just need to find that extra oomf to get myself back to a healthy 130-140 pounds. My son is autistic and that has consumed my life for the past 6 months or so (no excuse I know) just haven't found my WHY? yet...
Thank you!

Kira said...

Sounds a lot like me. But I am still fat. I was in all kinds o things in high school an became fat and lazy in college. Two babies later and I hate myself. I know what I need to do. I just need to do it. Thank you for sharing your story. You really are an amazing woman.

Shelly@Shelly No Belly said...

Love this!! You always know just what to post! I need to sit down and figure out WHY I am fat. A lot of times I blame baby weight but I weigh more now than I did before Little Miss was born. Thanks for being so open!!!

Allison Nowak said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now and never left a comment. I laughed, cried, ooh'd and aah'd at your adorable boys, but today i completely related. Related in a way that if you have never experience it, you will never understand. So today i post a comment to thank you for putting out there what so many of us feel/think/experience but are too afraid or scared to say. You are appreciated more than you know just for being real. THANKS!

LiveLifeOutloud said...

Proud of you Mama! You have inspired me in so many ways. You've allowed me to accept myself as I am, flaunts and all. I know now that I am NOT ALONE! Keep it up girl, I know I am.

Tabitha Mackenzie said...

Funny (well not so funny) when I look at your pictures and what you post I feel like you know you're beautiful and you were always that one that got the attention. You are incredibly H O T and beautiful. I read the post where you mentioned the fake boobs and the veneers (SP?) and I thought man, why would someone do that when they are already so pretty. Well you just explained the why.

I am fat, always have been and won't always will be (LOL)... I'm working on shedding a large amount of weight for the second and LAST time. I lost 93 lbs on weight watchers 10+ years ago and here I am doing it again, but this time I need to lose 154 lbs. VERY sad, I know. But I started in March and am down 47 lbs... you can read about my journey if you're interested - healthfullyeverafter1@blogspot.com.

Anyway - I tell you that because I actually don't have a self esteem problem. Sure, I was never the one that the guys were after... but I was the one friend they liked. I've always been real, I love to joke and be the center of attention and I know that I'm smart. So THANK GOD for that otherwise I can't imagine what would have happened to me.

I'm so glad you share real things... I'm sure it helps you and it sure helps the rest of us out here in blogland.

Keep up your good work... you're beautiful and fucking funny!

Tara said...

This one really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing. Still trying to get away from the food as fulfillment, and am starting to, but it's damn hard.

britney said...

Ok I just cried reading your post, how freakin lame-o am I? But I did figure out why I can't go a single day without reading your blog...BC we have the same WHY. Like...almost creepily so. Down to the softball in HS and not putting out, and not binging, just not caring. I LOVE YOU! Keep it up hot mama!!

Brooke C said...

Thank you! I follow your blog daily (ok-some days I miss it because I'm just too busy) and I really struggle with my body now at 36. Yep, 19 months ago I had my daughter (5wks early) and weighed 196. I have been a size 6/8 for the better part of a decade and even though I'm down to 148 now I am...less just say disgusted. I'm wearing 30 or 31 waist jeans and I've got way too much jiggle. The part of this where you said you got excited about what your next meal would be- that's me...that's my life. My hubs took a job last year and we're 600miles from nearest family and I just haven't connected with any friends here. (Another oddity for me- I'm a total social butterfly) You make me see that you're a REAL person and that I can totally make my goals with my junk in the trunk. ♥ thank u!!

Catie @ Catie's Corner said...

First of all, congrats on 1000 posts! That's quite a lot of BS you've written. ; ) Of course I'm joking, I LOVE you and your blog!!

Second, thanks for sharing. You are such an inspiration to soo many, including me. =) Now that you know why, I bet you're able able to keep the weight off for good!

~ Catie

Melanie @ 4Kottez said...

Great post today mama - way to ring in the 1000th post. You are inspiration to us all and we can all only feel so lucky to share in your journey with you. Thank you for allowing us too.

j-zaz said...

It's funny... Your post has helped me realize the same things about myself. I, too, was never a binge eater.. But I still ended up well over 100 pounds overweight.
Throughout high school and college, I had friends like yours.. Everything seemed to come easy to them, while I had to work so hard for everything. I couldn't even believe that someone would date me, let alone marry me. I don't have life-long friends like other girls do because I never feel like I'm good enough for people. Even now, when I've lost over 50 pounds, I feel like its not good enough. Like its not enough to be proud of because I still have a long way to go. I'm not at the pride and happiness stage like you.

You keep rocking it mama, for those of us who don't have that pride yet! You're such a huge inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Such a deep post Mama. It really hit home for me and I totally saw myself in that. You rock!

Anonymous said...

BTW: didn't wanna be anonymous, I'm Brittany Meeker but I dont have any of these accounts. Womp womp. So NO not a creeper!

Korey and Brandi said...

you just shared my life story!! so what finally made you do it? I want it so bad but it just never seems to happen and I don't know what it is going to take for me??

Layne Bradford said...

Love it!! Such a great post thanks! & congrats on the 1000!! <3

Anonymous said...

I needed that post today!! Thanks hot mama!!

Emily Moreno said...

I find this post interesting. A- I feel a lot of the same way as for the reasons to why I got fat. (not 100% same... but a lot)and B- (the interesting part...) you and I played on the same softball team for a year or two in elementary school. I came in to the team as a newbie. I ALWAYS have felt not second best... but more like next to last best in everything I do. That I am SOMETIMES good, but can't really call myself good overall... much less great at it! And all the while you are now saying you felt like everyone else was better than you while you busted ass to try to be good... I was one of those that sat there and watched you play great... thinking it came natural to YOU! This same type situation stemmed from softball for me to other activities I was involved in in life also. That feeling of never even getting to be second best, much less first! I too used food as a way of comforting my emotions. I never smoked... and only drank at times to "try" to be "cool". I used food for comfort which only caused MUCH MORE discomfort, insecurity, and so forth! Food is a BITCH! for real! When you remember not feeling 1st place in life growing up, remember there were people (me for example) that still looked up to you and wanted to be what you were! So you aren't alone in your feelings-- As an adult... I learn through the hard road, that now... I just need to be happy being me... and be the best ME I can be!

Miss Amazing said...

Girl, I totally feel you. So many tears were shed throughout my school years (like elementary age sadly) on how my friends could eat whatever they wanted and the same amount as I did and be as skinny as a bean pole. I completely stopped playing volleyball after middle school partly because of injury, but also because I knew I'd never be as good as my other friends let alone look good in the spankys that they wear. Food has always been my cigarette. I too am trying to find the happy medium of not surrounding my life around food. It is a painful process.
This is a perfect 1000th post. Congrats and thanks for keeping me and many others going!

Emily Moreno said...

p.s. That's the BIGGEST reason I didn't go to RHS. I felt like everyone I went to middle school with made EVERYTHING in life a competition that I sucked in succeeding at! And Lakeview truly was a life saving ground for me as far as overall happiness and acceptance goes! TOTAL different crowd from RHS.

Brandi said...

You are so so so amazeballs. I have a similar reason for weight gain, mine is more depression and insecurity that has led me to eat too much and not exercise enough. I am so content on the couch drinking wine, sigh. I use excuses, I have asthma, my knee hurts, I'm tired, but deep down I know I need to just get off my fat ass. I feel great after a workout. I eat healthy 87% of the time, I just eat enough for a family of 4. Not cool. Anyway, As my own blog progresses I hope to have good progress to share! Thank you for being you [sorry so cheezy but its true]

Brandi @ californiagrownblog.blogspot.com

Jamie said...

I have never commented before but felt compelled to comment on this post because I can relate to everything you wrote. I have struggled with overreating since I was in high school. I think that would surprise most people who know me because I've never been overweight (don't hate me - I'm a mess on the inside :)). For a long time I felt very ashamed on this and just felt like I was lazy and had no will power. In the past year I've realized it has more to do with a poor sense of self worth and a tendency to repress my feelings. Anyway, thanks for posting this! :-)

adlde said...

Oh my goodness, I think we are definitely kindred spirits! As I was reading this I was fighting back tears because all I could think was "this is my life"all of it, every single part, from playing softball (practically since I was 5, I'm now 28), to having the pretty friends and just feeling "average" (my entire life). I have always felt inadequate with everything, I was never pretty enough, my clothes were never the biggest name brand, my shoes were never the latest greatest, it seemed my face always broke out worse than every one else's, I always seemed to be a step behind everyone else in sports, I was good in my own right and I loved playing but always seemed to be a little less than all of my friends and I was never ever as skinny as the rest of my friends. And your exactly right about food, its just there. It doesn't judge or criticize....ever! I love food, all of it, I love trying new things and basically just eating in general. Now I'm by no means a lard ass but I'm by no means in shape. I'm about 35-40lbs overweight, definitely not where I want to be or a weight I'm happy with. I really just need to get my ass in gear and stop finding excuses and quit bitching about the fact that I have nothing to wear...like ever! Its not that I have nothing to wear its just I have nothing I'm comfortable in! Ugh!

Thank you for just telling it like it is and motivating us fat asses to get up and get with it! You rock & I love that you talk just like me! I'm definitely the loud mouth, tell shit like it is in my family, brutally honest as they call it!

Kari said...

Awesome post! You're amazing! You definitely just inspired me to get off my lazy ass & go run!

Bailey @ Onederland or Bust! said...

Thank you for sharing! I've watched biggest loser where they have those "aha" moments and it always makes me think about mine. I have no idea where my eating issues stem from! I have been overweight all my life, even as a little girl. I had a perfectly fine childhood, my parents are overweight but my sister is thin. I'm still far away from my goal weight, but maybe when I get closer to my goal I'll also realize why I've had these issues all my life.

Trisha G said...

You f'in rock. You have accomplished so much and have touched so many lives by telling us all about your journey! Keep it up! We love you!

Tara said...

Thank you so much for your post!! It is just what I needed to "hear". I'm struggling with food right now and have gained 20 pounds in the last year. I find every excuse not to get on track and eat whatever I feel like eating. Every day, I say "I will start tomorrow"...that tomorrow never comes for me. I know I have past problems that causing this. I just need to face those problems, let them go, and get on the right track. Those feelings cannot control me or my weight anymore!! You are awesome for sharing your story with us!!

MrsD said...

Thank you for sharing this with all of us Mama - you are amazing and so admired because you are REAL. You aren't full of fluff and bs...you are real and raw and tell shit like it is. You own up to your life and you show us that we need to do the same. Thank you for being the wonderful Mama you are :)

Amanda said...

You are amazing and I am so glad you are here to inspire all of us! Loved this post!

Anonymous said...

While you may be making yourself feel better, you often make me feel worse. I am larger than you, and when you call your self the words you do, it makes me feel awful about myself. I cannot read your blog anymore.

Mommyto3 said...

Holy cow. You are so brave! To share what you have shared is so inspiring! I feel like you were in my head and saying everything I've been feeling. Tears are streaming down my face just thinking about! Thank you for always being so open and honest. It is a real reality check for the rest of us that have been lying or in denial ourselves. You have made me take a hard look at myself or what has been an obstacle in my life. I'm so glad I stumbled across you blob when I did because the next day I dropped the excuses and hit the pavement hard. Thank you for being you!

momFITtingitallin said...

A story tells so much - with this one I even become more proud of you and you become even more of an inspiration to me!!! Thank you and GREAT job

Sharee'

Mama Whitfield said...

Great post Brandi! Love you girl!

Megan @ Grimm Tales said...

I love you. Thank you for being inspiring and sharing so much of your life.

Monica and family said...

So close to home. So close. Not the sports aspect but definitely feelings of inadequencies.

tanya s said...

you are an inspiration to many, me included you have gone so far pushed yourself beyond even thou I do not know you I feel very proud of you! keep up the hard work :-)

Theresa said...

Gotta tell you -- been reading for a while and never commented. YOU ROCK! I'm still struggling to find that WHY for myself -- you and I are so similar except that I've always been overweight. Big ole' Italian fat family. Always played sports (especially softball -- proud to say I was the youngest girl allowed to play in my hometown!) But for me, this why is hard. It almost hurts to type it, but I think a big part of the why was ignorance. On my part and my parents. I just didn't know. But now I do and DAMNIT -- I ain't gonna be ignorant again! Thanks so much for your post - got me thinking and I needed to find that WHY. Rock on Mama!!!!!

Estella FLores said...

You inspire me everyday! This post was amazing and really hit home.. Thank you for sharing your journey!

Susan said...

You are so brave to bare your soul like that, Brandi. Thank you for being you! You're a great inspiration!!

Jennifer said...

Isn't it crazy that the same feeling of just not being good enough can drive you to eat as it drives you to starve. I have never been fat - instead I was the girl at the gym for a few hours starving from eating nothing but an apple, a few crackers and some diet coke all day. It also makes for the same ups and downs with future hubbys - girl we could talk about those I'm sure!!!! Oh to just be happy with who we are all along.

yo-yo-mama said...

congrats on everything that you have accomplished so far..and I know this is just the beginning for you! enjoy your success and your hot ass...you've earned it!

Natalie said...

Ok, you SO cannot make me cry with a post like that and then end it with a silly pic of you showing off your 'guns'!!!

Thank you for sharing everything and being a motivation in my life. <3

Erika said...

I absolutely love this! This is the same for me. I'm 5'2" and I've weighed almost 180 lbs, and for years I wanted to change that but just couldn't. Then in the last couple months I FINALLY figured out my "why" and it just happens to be the same as yours! After figuring that out, it has been SO much easier to eat better and get my butt up off the couch.
THANKS for all you do! You're an inspiration to all of us! :)

Sam said...

It's funny how differently people sometimes remember us compared to how we remember ourselves. Thanks to the wonders of Facebook I have reconnected with old friends I might have never known again. I've even connected with some of them in person. I thought I was such a loser but that's not how they remember me. They remember that I was kind and a little shy and lots of fun. I was focused on how I wasn't good enough. My own harshest critic. AND SO WERE THEY. Even the queen bees. I bet your old team mates remember you being the awesome one with the courage to show your heart and make a real effort. Anyway, I am rambling. But you are a beautiful woman, as I suspect you have always been, even if it took you a while to feel it. Congratulations on how far you have come! Also, I agree, having to work out every day IS bullshit, but I have to do it too. And I didn't put out in high school either. Made it almost two weeks past graduation. Woohoo ;)

Wiseman said...

To anonymous above, she doesn't make you feel worse you are doing that to yourself. I think you just discovered your own "why" and should explore it more. Then you can start making the changes you need to make and feel good about yourself. Mama is not accusing us of anything, she is just sharing her journey. Even when people lose weight, sometimes other inside feelings don't change. It's more than a physical journey... It is all mental. Good luck, anonymous...

Jackie said...

It is nice to see that not only via this post but also through the comments that none of us are alone in feeling inadequate and not good enough. I too can relate to this feeling. I was always "okay" at basketball, with playing music...I wasn't the prettiest girl and I too graduated high school a virgin (also not something I am ashamed of but I can understand what you mean)....I was smart but there were a ton of people who had better grades than me. My issues carried from high school into college and now into my late 20s. At 28, I am still struggling with the feeling that I am just not good enough. But, I am working on it. Working on realizing that I deserve happiness too and it may mean I have to work harder than others, that I can have the life that I want,

kerryber said...

I'm so proud of you girl! !!!

Amanda Martin said...

Wow! I felt like I wrote that post after reading it. I was just like that when I was young. All the guys wanted to date my friends. I was everybody's friend. I was told I was "cute", but not hot. I didn't put out in high school either. ;) Now, I'm busting my ass running 3 miles 3 times a week and doing Jillian Michaels so I feel good and am healthy. I started my weight loss journey this summer after I found you on Pinterest. I'm so proud of myself. Thanks for inspiring me!

Patty Baldwin said...

I like to think I inspired your 1,000th post with my email earlier this week :) GREAT post. Thanks!

Nell Berens Prosise said...

Thanks, Rockstar! You made my night.

Mary said...

Your story has helpd me understand some of the reason why I am where I am today. 2-1/2 months ago, I started my journey to get healthy. I am down 25 pounds so far, with another 30 to go. When I look in the mirror, I still see the fat girl. It probably does not help that nobody has commented on my progress. While I am doing this for me, it is hard to stay motivated some days. Your blog is the motivtion I need to keep moving forward. Thank you so much for your honesty and humor. I look forward to reading your posts!

Trista said...

You really are an inspiration to those of us who are real and struggle with ourselves and how we view ourselves. Reading your blog always puts things back into perspective for me.

THANK YOU!

Andrya Moe said...

Just thought I should let you know that you've inspired me to start my own fitness and weight loss journey..as well as my own blog!! I have 0 followers, hah, but I still thought I'd let you know that I mentioned you in my first post. http://thinspirationstartsnow.blogspot.com/
Thanks for inspiring!!

Sugarr2518 said...

This post is awesome and I can relate to it alot! There are so many different reasons why we turn to food, but I think the biggest thing, or at least for me, is that it's comfort and I think/thought "it made me feel good" at least while I was eating, but not so much after! It's really the mindset of how you think and how you look at food. It sure takes a lot to change your mind and how you look at food and the things that are happening in your life! Thanks for opening up and sharing this with everyone.

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how bad I needed to hear that right now. I am struggling and really feeling "inadequate". Instead of being 12 pounds from my goal weight, I am now 12 pounds heavier. WTH?

Morgan Dixon said...

Freakin story of my life girl but i still struggle with feeling inadequate...how did you get over that or through it? I feel like i havent broken through.....

Allie said...

I love reading your blog!!! It's so honest and real. Thank you for being so transparent. As always, you're an inspiration!!!

Amanda said...

Thank you for sharing! I had tears in my eyes as I finished reading this post. Several things that you said are exactly how I feel and I always feel like NO ONE truly understands. (EX: "And I think that spilled over into my relationships.
I met The Hubs right out of high school and never felt good enough in our relationship either."... "Mad because none of my friends had weight problems and had to bust their ass like I did. Mad at my husband because he could eat a cheeseburger and fries for lunch every day and not gain an ounce. Mad because IT WAS HARD. And I hated it. Mad at the world because this was just NOT FAIR. I didn't feel like I should have to work out every day! It was bullshit!" It's like you stole it right out of my head! :-)

Again, thank you for sharing. You are truly an inspiration.

Anna Boals said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna Boals said...

Wow... you just summed up my entire life right there. Friends always being better than me in softball and other sports and not having to work for it at all, then with all the scholarships they received, but I didn't. I never even thought about that being the reason why I eat, but yep... spot on the money right there! I have always wanted to be like them (skinnier, prettier, more athletic), but have never gotten past the first barrier. After reading your blog, I have been working out and feeling much better about myself. Buying much better foods for our house and holding myself responsible when I don't go out and run. I take my chocolate lab with me so that I don't have an excuse to let myself stop for a breather, he pulls me along. Thanks for all the motivation!!

Ronni said...

Wow...I think you might have hit my "fat reason"
I too played competitive fastball. I still try to play softball and I constantly seem to be the girl who still sits. I know I am not a bad player but I think alot of it comes from the fact that I can't play hard because of my weight.
Evil cycle. I turn to food because of my lack of ability in life. But that is precisely why I can't achieve.

UGH!! thank you for this post!

luvalugirl said...

Awesome post! I was thinking of starting a blog and then I always read yours and I'm like "no way could I be so awesome" and so I don't start a blog, lol. Thank you for sharing your story, i look forward to reading your emails everyday. Keep on keeping on! woot woot!

Andrea said...

I look a lot like your first picture....after losing 50 lbs since March, when I popped out my 3rd kiddo! Yes, I eat breakfast, while wondering what I'm going to have for lunch, oh and wait, I can pre-plan dinner too! yipee, more food. Well, now I still do that, but it's healthy food. I'm in love with MyFitnessPal app, and I'm getting to know my treadmill a bit better, although we're still at that awkward early dating stage and taking things slow. I used to be a size 2 skinny, hot, sexy bitch, and I remember the confidence and attention that got me. I'll get there again one day. Now, I want it for myself, and for my sexy hubby who deserves a sexy wifey, and for my kids who deserve a Momma who can play and run with them without tiring after a few steps. You are a huge inspiration for me! Thank you!

TwynMawrMom said...

Your ARMS alone are inspiring! Rock it!

Alissa (A Journey to Thin) said...

Great post. I can honestly say that the reason I am STILL fat is because I feel inadequate. Sure, I've lost a lot of weight, but I can't quite seem to lose more. I never feel good enough. I can totally relate to this post!

Katie said...

Dang. I think you wrote my story there too. Softball, friends, boys, sex... I'm still big, but training to run my first half in November. The weight hasn't been coming off, but I haven't cared much about what I eat...I need to get on that. You're an inspiration to me, even more so now that I see the similarities in the struggle...Thanks ML :)

BrandiH said...

Thanks so much for sharing. I can totally relate. I know I got fat because I'm an emotional eater and I still struggle with it some days. Its very hard to change the way you comfort yourself.

Terri said...

Thanks for posting this. Gave me the courage to finally post something really personal on my own blog about my struggle. I've been sitting on that post for almost a week! Thanks for rocking so hard! Your story is lighting a fire under my yoga pants.

Shannon said...

I f-ing love you!! If you're ever in New Braunfels I will seriously buy you a skinny margarita. :) I LOVED your post about marriage. I haven't been married, but it's nice to hear the real side of it. I also love this post... It's like I wrote it! Keep it up sister- you rock!