Things are looking up y'all.
Last month had you asked me, I would have been bitter and mad about the way things were going in my life.
I would have asked WHY certain things had panned out the way they had.
I would have laughed and rolled my eyes at the joy people seemed to have.
How they could seemingly have such perfect lives, and there I was, struggling to stay afloat.
The reason we think this sometimes is because we compare our "Behind the Scenes" to other people's "Highlight Reels".
It's crazy how a little soul searching, soul cleansing and stepping back can change things.
I have been married for coming up on 5 years. We've been together for 11 years. It feels like 50.
We go through phases. We adjust to new things in our lives. With 2 small children our lives are a constant merry go round.
Each week, same thing, different days.
Work, daycare, me fitting in workouts, The Hubs working.
I'm tired. I struggle.
I want a damn cheeseburger some days.
Most days that's just a passing craving.
I just take it one day at a time.
With Spring in Texas comes days where we are outside more. Playing with the kids, running, taking family walks.
Days that I've decided to put down my phone, not answer the millions of emails I have, and focus on my family.
They need me. And vice versa.
And we're connecting again.
I hope you all have decided to take the #PoundBePresent challenge with me. It's really making a difference in my life, personally.
For the better.
Sometimes when I sit down to write a post, I don't have anything in particular I want to say. I just start to write and whatever comes out, does.
This seems like one of those posts.
Everything and nothing all at once.
I just kinda wanted to let you guys know that it's okay to struggle. That I struggle every day.
To make healthy choices.
To get to the gym.
To be a good wife and mom.
To remember all the things I have to do the next day.
I rarely ever have a Perfect Day. A day when I get to the gym at exactly 5am, get the kids to school with whatever they need for the day, get all the emails out I need to, cook an amazing dinner and get to bed on time. All to get up and do it the next day.
I just kind of wing it most days. I'm the most unorganized person, maybe ever.
I just feel very much pulled in a million directions these days.
And I've got to let go of the thought that I will ever get it all done and done perfectly.
It's just not gonna happen.
And that's okay.
I do what I can.
Yesterday I went to the gym at 5am. This is not much different than most weekdays (although today I slept in because I've been so ridiculously tired lately).
But with the listen of a song during my workday yesterday, I decided I was in need of a soul cleansing run.
I typically don't work out twice in one day, but I needed to yesterday.
The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco came on and my legs needed to move.
I got home, laced up and knocked out 5 miles.
It wasn't a significant run.
I struggled to get through it.
I stopped once to walk for a bit, but I played that song over and over and over.
It's my current favorite.
Here are some of my favorite lines in that songs:
Have you ever had the feelin' that you was bein' had?
Don't that shit there make you mad? They treat you like a slave
Put chains all on your soul and put whips up on your back
They be lyin' through they teeth, hope you slip up off your path
So no matter what you been through, no matter what you into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em 'til your arms tired let 'em know you here
That you struggling, survivin', that you gon' persevere
Yeah, ain't nobody leavin', nobody goin' home
Even if they turn the lights out, the show is goin' on
Those lyrics made me want to lift my arms up while I was running down the side of a busy highway yesterday.
Because I struggle, I survive... and I'm gonna persevere.