6.13.2013

Dear 21 Year Old Brandi,

I'm linking up with Holly & Jake today and writing a letter to my 21 year old self.
I have done this post in the past where I wrote letters to myself at different ages. You can read that one HERE.... it's quite entertaining.

Grab the button and link up.

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Dear 21 year old Brandi,

Stop tanning!
Seriously.
You look like a leather couch.


I know you think that tan fat looks better than white fat, and you're absolutely right, but there is a line to be drawn.
That line doesn't exist to you. You've crossed it and now people are asking you if you are Lebanese.
Don't even pretend to know what that is, either.
You don't.
You're an idiot.
Obviously because you are tanning in a tanning bed up to 8 times a week.
You are ruining your alabaster skin.
Okay, I know "alabaster" is so not in right now, but maybe just once a week?
In a few years you'll find a spot on your leg when you are pregnant with your second child. It will scare the absolute piss out of you and you'll make an appointment at a dermatologist as soon as he's born and prepare yourself for the terrible news you think you're going to hear.
You're dying of skin cancer, you just know it.
All those years in the tanning bed have finally caught up to you.
You're freaking out and already starting to write out your will.
(You don't hear terrible news by the way- the spot is benign and ends up being cut off.)
But the appointment with the dermatologist will, hands down, be the most awkward you've ever felt in your life.
You will be 2 months postpartum, still floppy and squishy and you'll have to get completely naked in front of two very fit, very beautiful women.
They will bring out an over sized SPOTLIGHT (think Batman signal) and turn it on full blast and point it IN THE DAYLIGHT at your naked body.
You will never feel so exposed in your life.
They will then proceed to tell you to BEND OVER AND SPREAD YOUR BUTTCHEEKS APART!!!!!! and to LIFT UP YOUR BOOBS!!!! so they can check for suspicious moles, etc.
You will make disclaimers the entire time saying
"I just had a baby y'all, don't judge me!" and
"I just had a man pull a baby out of my hoohaw and I wasn't as embarrased as I am now!" and
"Did I mention I JUST HAD A BABY!?!?!?!"
You are mortified.
Save yourself the embarrassment and stop with the tanning already!!

And PS- your hair is gorgeous. Don't cut it.
Like ever.

**Speaking of tanning- go see my girl, Melinda with KnockoutBody Dallas for an amazing AIRBRUSH tan in the DFW area- she'll come to you!
Mention me and she'll give you $5 off!

18 comments:

kate said...

i really need to stop tanning. im not going to lie, i am so addicted to it!!

Jenn Coker said...

I'm so glad that you decided to write this because you're such an amazing inspiration to so many people. I'm sure you'll help convince people that tanning is horrible. Skin Cancer is terrifying but I don't think people know just how common it is and YOUNG people get it. Kudos to you Brandi.

Kathryn said...

haha this cracked me up!!

Kelly @ LifeInTheKlaasLane said...

I am so happy you wrote this! I wish I could scream from the rooftops how bad indoor tanning is. I know everyone thinks skin cancer "will never happen to me" but I urge EVERYONE to do research on the average age of the first incidence of skin cancer....you'll jump right out of that bed.

Rebecca Johnston said...

Bahahahaha. I know, I spent WAY too much time in the TB (tanning bed) back in the day. Even today on my day off when I will be at the pool, I'll be wearing 50 SPF, a hat, and I'll probably stay out for only an hour. Past 2 PM. Sigh, getting older, but getting better and smarter.

Patricia Martin said...

You are son freakin funny.

Lara said...

I sure wish I lived farther north so I could call your friend. I have bridal showers and weddings coming up and could use some color.

Jenn said...

I'm currently battling melanoma (inside). People need to realize that the UV rays can be so damaging. I have to go to those dermatologist appointments every 3 months and they suck. They are as horrifying as you describe...fat or skinny. They suck.

Bree said...

Amen! I don't even want my face in the sun anymore.... And I am obsessive with the sunscreen on my daughter!

Mrs. T said...

Oh my word! Leather couch, spread your butt cheeks, lift your boobs!!! This made me laugh! If we only knew then what tanning would do to us now! I'm so glad I decided to stop!

Holly said...

Chris and I read your letter in the ER today... and oh my god, the beef jerkey comment had us ROLLING!!

Lisa said...

Seriously! I gave up tanning beds a year ago. I had some sun spots start to pop up on my face, thank God for lasers! But now I am terrified of the sun!

Sarah said...

My very first skin cancer check they took pictures of every.inch.of.my.pudgy.body. Then I made the mistake of looking at the photos on the CD they gave me! Yuck!

But I'm so very glad I've made a habit of those appointments because my melanoma was caught early enough that a little piece of skin removed later, it was gone.

Chris Dodaj said...

I loved this! I didn't love tanning as I hate small coffin like spaces - but it's good to get the word out that is so bad for you!!

Jake said...

good stuff. holly and I need to scheme up a plan so we can all hang out...can't wait to meet you!!

Ashley said...

Amen sister. The decision to stop tanning in the tanning bed was the best decision I ever made!

knperkins1 said...

I want to tan so badly but I'm so afraid now. My cousin's fiance just passed away from melanoma a few months ago and it was one of the worst things I've ever seen.. in just a few months he went from being healthy to barely recognizable. Last time I saw him, I couldn't believe how quick and aggressive it was... Every time I want to tan, I think of that and it terrifies me. I don't want to go like that...

Matt Hardy said...

This is great content.I like this one. You certainly have a way with words!
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