Man, I thought long and hard about this blog for a really long time.
Not this post, in particular, but this BLOG.
Like the whole sharing my life on the internet thing.
Did I want to still do it?
What happens when my kids get older?
What kind of message was I sending?

These were all questions I asked as things began to start tumbling downward last year.

I took several months off to evaluate my life, my goals, my MESSAGE to the world.
And I came up with one thing.... I wasn't sending the right message.
Maybe I was trying to, but it wasn't being received the way I wanted it to.

Whatever the case, I shut down.
I focused on me and my life and my kids and I found something I'd lost in the mix... peace.

So I thought I'd update you all on what's been going on in my life.

I am a work from home mom. I help people hit physical and financial goals, and by doing that I am blessed in return.
Big T is 6 and is in Kindergarten and I am very active in his school. I get to eat lunch with him, shop with him at his book fairs, work in his Christmas store, and be at every Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day and every other classroom party.
I get to take him and pick him up from school every day and ask him how his day was. I get to do homework with him every night and take him to the park after school.
I get to be PRESENT in his life and I'm thankful for that.
He is my sensitive child. Always the good one, always good reports at school. He is courteous and caring. He loves helping me clean and cook and loves positive reinforcement.
He has a heart so big and so full of love.

Mushy is 4 and he is in pre-school. I keep him home with me 1-2 days a week, depending on my workload for the week.
I am on the phone, emails, lunches, or at school events several times a week, and I feel it is necessary for him to be on a schedule and in a learning environment.
I pick him up early on the days he is at school and we go pick up Bubba together.
I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I love being able to do so.
He is my difficult child, God love him.
He loves snuggling with me and knows my weak spots for him. He sneaks in my bed at night and snuggles up next to me. Most nights I don't even notice he's there until I wake up. He's a lover with a temper like I've never seen, and he tests me every day.
Remember how I always said he was like a Sour Patch Kid? He'd cut my hair off in my sleep and then snuggle me and tell me he loves me??
Yeah, that's still him.

My ex husband works a lot and he is very present in their lives as well. We are good friends and we co-parent as best we know how.
We don't fight, especially in front of the kids, and we still do family outings together and keep our kids first.
In the beginning that was hard, and I'm not going to lie and say it's easy all the time now, it's not.
It takes constant effort and communication, but we navigate it the best we can.

My health and fitness is still a big part of my life, but I don't obsess over it.
I know that there is more to life than having abs year round, or counting macros for every meal.
I feel more confident in myself than I have in a very long time.
And that has absolutely nothing to do with my body.
Maybe it's taken me 31 years to figure out that having the perfect physique really WON'T make all your dreams come true.
It really WON'T make everything in your life perfect.
The only thing that will fulfill you completely is love. Giving love, receiving it, and then spreading it like wildfire.
THAT is what I am focused on.
And maybe I'm a little softer in the middle because of it, and maybe a little more boring, but it feeds me.
Knowing that a life I want is within my reach and helping others achieve what THEY want, that's worth the extra fluff.

Maybe I'll get the itch to set another goal soon. I've toyed with picking up running again, solely for the purpose of seeing my kids at the finish line of a race (they've never watched me finish a race before) and showing them what their mom can do, teaching spin classes (spinning is a true passion of mine), and maybe competing again (I love the Masters class ((35 year old+ age division)) and admire those women), but for now I'm just trying to live life, enjoy my time with my kids, and focus on the many blessings I've been given.

I don't know what's to come of this blog, it's done so much for me over the years and completely changed my entire life. Some of it in good ways, and some of it in amazing ways.
I am appreciative of every one of you who have read along, cried, cheered me on, and picked me up when I've fallen over the years.

My focus has shifted and I can't help but feel like it's been the most dramatically amazing change I've made to date.


Christy76 said...

Love the post and love the changes you've made through your crazy ride. That's the whole point and purpose of trials! You learn what/who is important and most importantly you discover your true self. All of that makes that rough time worth it.

Liz Bass said...

Love this post love! You are amazing and I appreciate your realness! (((hugs)))

Alicia said...

Thank you or this post. Love it and the changes you've made :) I hope that you stick around and share your life with us. You're very inspiring when writing like this.

Stephanie Bryan said...

Great post! I've missed you!!

Curly Girl Confessions said...

Wonderful! It's amazing how stepping back and evaluating life really makes a different. I cannot recommend the book The Power of Now more than anything in this world! I read it a couple of times year to get back on track. :)

jsjermc3 said...

I think this might be my favorite blog post to date :-) However you choose to go, you have and will always be a role model to me. Success isn't easy and it requires sacrifice but it is possible. Dreams aren't just for dreaming. They're for doing and you've inspired so many of us to just keep going! For that, I'm grateful. God Bless :-)

jsjermc3 said...

I think this might be my favorite blog post to date :-) However you choose to go, you have and will always be a role model to me. Success isn't easy and it requires sacrifice but it is possible. Dreams aren't just for dreaming. They're for doing and you've inspired so many of us to just keep going! For that, I'm grateful. God Bless :-)

Courtsbrooke said...

I've missed you! I totally understand the journey you are on. When I turned 30 it's like I realized, yes, I want to be healthy, but I also want to live my life...I only get one! So I'll snuggle a little longer instead of going to the gym 5 days a week and I'll drink that class of wine, because I want to! It's all about finding a balance of what makes YOU happy!

Amanda said...

I just want you to know that you have inspired me. I've been a follower for a few years now & you are the reason I started running back in 2012 and went on to lose 70 pounds. I hope this isn't "goodbye." I know putting yourself out there invites negativity, but please know that you have inspired at least one person to better her life.

Megan LeBlanc said...

Thank you for this blog!!! you have inspired me in so many ways! I am honored that you share your journey of life with us! you go girl!

Amanda said...

Glad to see you blog. I just commented on fb, I really miss your blog. Life happens, things change, people change... I get it. Good to see you in such a place of peace. Keep doing what your doing... it looks good on you. I hope to find that peace as well.

Amart said...

I love this real and honest post from you!! This is why I always kept following you! I knew you'd come out stronger and better than ever! Glad you are making the most out of life!! :)

fancy nancy said...

Love this post! You have inspired so many with your journey but home is always most important...those two boys! Just feeling the peace you are shows you've made the right decision!!

Cassy Perez-Young said...

I know you don't know me personally. For me that feels kind of strange, following someone I don't know much less commenting on your blog. However, I want you to know that I have felt this tug at my heart to pray for you for the last year plus that I've been following you. God has given you such a gift of influence and your humility in this post is just so inspiring.I asked the Lord to give you strength and hold your hand while your took time away to rest. I pray that He continues to fill your heart with love so that you can set this world ablaze with it and fill your canvas of giving with so much color and life. No matter what mistakes you find yourself having made in life, God is for you, and He is faithful to surround you with a community to cheer you on and love on you! Love will always find you!!! <3 <3 <3

P.S. I am 31 too after 3 kids I am trying to get 60lbs off and you inspire me to do just that! Thank you!!!

Kimberly Sawyer said...

This is the best blog of yours I have read in a long time. I had almost stop reading them altogether because of the direction it was going. So glad I decided to read this. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is put us in an "adult timeout" and regroup. Hope to read more in the future.

Hallie said...

So happy to read this! I've followed you for years and years and still support you. I hope you return to blogging your hilarious and completely random life posts!

Jenn said...

I miss reading your blog, like a ton. But thanks for the update. Glad things are going so well for you!

Amanda said...

Love this post! Many blessings as you truly come into your own on this journey. Finding balance and loving the life you live. It doesn't have to be perfect and probably never will be for any of us but sounds like you are in a better place and embracing this life.

Amy Price said...

oh how I miss reading your post! I have noticed from IG there has been a very happy and positive shift in you since last year. I am thrilled for your inner peace! Your boys are just precious!! hugs to you.

Erin Phillips said...

Love this post and appreciate the openness that you have here. Thank you for sharing! I can hear the peace in the words that you type and that is quite the blessing in and of itself. Cheers!

Erin, Attention To Darling Blog

Carrie said...

So happy to see you so at peace. This was a great message:) It seems like your current goal is to live a healthy life in all areas of your life and that is a great goal!

JeremyGina Parker said...

I really applaud you for your honesty and sincerity throughout your journey. You are an incredible role model and huge inspiration to me. I am 31 years old and have two boys, ironically, my oldest, who is in kindergarten, has a very similar personality to what you described Big T being and God love him, the younger is incredibly spirited like Mushy sounds  I have struggled with my weight and as I work towards my goals, I always find encouragement in your blog and social media posts. I am hoping to join your next Diet Bet challenge. Regardless of what the future holds for you, know you have touched many lives and made a difference to a small town Iowa girl! I wish nothing but the best for you!!

Amy @ Getz Girl on Fire said...

Finding your blog on Pinterest and reading every post is what inspired me to start blogging. I loved reading about your day to day life and following along with your fitness journey. I loved your honesty and openness . . . it's too bad others make that a negative things. I hope you keep blogging, but we all understand if that's not what's best for you and your boys. Glad to hear you are doing well.

Livyb said...

This was so good to read! You deserve every good thing coming your way. Happy for you! And thank you for the update! You have been missed!

Financial Dropout said...

Beautiful post Mama! You have such a way with words <3
I have to ask, is there anyone special romantically in your life? Please do not feel obligated to answer if you would prefer to keep that part of your life private, I am honestly just curious. I have followed you for years now; it sounds like you are in a happy, peaceful place in life.

ALG, Uninterrupted said...

You are the reason I started blogging, pure and simple. I wish you all the best in everything!

I do love these simple update posts though so please don't go away :)

Caitlin @ Candyfloss & Persie said...

Good for you! I'm glad things are moving and shaking in a way that suits you. I found your blog in like 2012 and always found you hilarious. Things change and it's okay if your blog (or lack of blogging) reflects that. And one thing that pops out to me as a child of divorced parents, good on you guys for doing family outings still. My parents are friends (it took awhile for that to happen way back in the 90s when they got divorced) but it seriously makes such a difference in my life. I see a lot of friends whose parents can't be in the same room which makes the inevitable life events such hardships for them. My parents being friends made the horribleness of divorce a little easier. Anyway, best of luck to you no matter where you find yourself.

Beth said...

Loved seeing an update. I have to admit I miss your posts. Your posts to me were real on trying to do it all and be the best you can be while still being a mom and done with some really funny things too. Amazing to me that others feel the need to criticize what someone writes about their journey. Glad to see that life is good and your boys are as cute as ever and before you know it they are grown and have left home and starting their own journeys. Best of luck to you always.

Kristalynn said...

You are amazing, never forget that mama!

Kimberly T. said...

Good for you!

Hoosier Farm Babe said...

I have been a loyal follower of you for years! You have inspired me beyond words - both my blog and my fitness/well. Partly because of you I have also joined the Advocare family. I love this post and have always appreciated your honesty! Sounds like your focus is spot on those two sweet boys! Thanks for being you, girl!

Kaitlin Merkley said...

Thank you for such a beautiful, honest, and real post! I love everything you said, and I am so happy you've found so much peace in your life. You've really been an inspiration!

gaworkoutgirl said...

I have to say I am excited for the direction you are going. I have followed you for years and while the old blog was great, I love seeing the success you are having through Advocare and how you are using the success you have had to help inspire and motivate others. Family really is what it's all about! You are still truly beautiful inside and out.

Kaitlyn said...

I loved reading this. Been following since the beginning and it definitely made me smile.

sarahalicea said...

This is THE most inspiring post that I have ever read on your blog. It is so incredibly real and honest. You seem to be in such a good place and sound so different from a year or 2 ago.