Man, I thought long and hard about this blog for a really long time.
Not this post, in particular, but this BLOG.
Like the whole sharing my life on the internet thing.
Did I want to still do it?
What happens when my kids get older?
What kind of message was I sending?
These were all questions I asked as things began to start tumbling downward last year.
I took several months off to evaluate my life, my goals, my MESSAGE to the world.
And I came up with one thing.... I wasn't sending the right message.
Maybe I was trying to, but it wasn't being received the way I wanted it to.
Whatever the case, I shut down.
I focused on me and my life and my kids and I found something I'd lost in the mix... peace.
So I thought I'd update you all on what's been going on in my life.
I am a work from home mom. I help people hit physical and financial goals, and by doing that I am blessed in return.
Big T is 6 and is in Kindergarten and I am very active in his school. I get to eat lunch with him, shop with him at his book fairs, work in his Christmas store, and be at every Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day and every other classroom party.
I get to take him and pick him up from school every day and ask him how his day was. I get to do homework with him every night and take him to the park after school.
I get to be PRESENT in his life and I'm thankful for that.
He is my sensitive child. Always the good one, always good reports at school. He is courteous and caring. He loves helping me clean and cook and loves positive reinforcement.
He has a heart so big and so full of love.
Mushy is 4 and he is in pre-school. I keep him home with me 1-2 days a week, depending on my workload for the week.
I am on the phone, emails, lunches, or at school events several times a week, and I feel it is necessary for him to be on a schedule and in a learning environment.
I pick him up early on the days he is at school and we go pick up Bubba together.
I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I love being able to do so.
He is my difficult child, God love him.
He loves snuggling with me and knows my weak spots for him. He sneaks in my bed at night and snuggles up next to me. Most nights I don't even notice he's there until I wake up. He's a lover with a temper like I've never seen, and he tests me every day.
Remember how I always said he was like a Sour Patch Kid? He'd cut my hair off in my sleep and then snuggle me and tell me he loves me??
Yeah, that's still him.
My ex husband works a lot and he is very present in their lives as well. We are good friends and we co-parent as best we know how.
We don't fight, especially in front of the kids, and we still do family outings together and keep our kids first.
In the beginning that was hard, and I'm not going to lie and say it's easy all the time now, it's not.
It takes constant effort and communication, but we navigate it the best we can.
My health and fitness is still a big part of my life, but I don't obsess over it.
I know that there is more to life than having abs year round, or counting macros for every meal.
I feel more confident in myself than I have in a very long time.
And that has absolutely nothing to do with my body.
Maybe it's taken me 31 years to figure out that having the perfect physique really WON'T make all your dreams come true.
It really WON'T make everything in your life perfect.
The only thing that will fulfill you completely is love. Giving love, receiving it, and then spreading it like wildfire.
THAT is what I am focused on.
And maybe I'm a little softer in the middle because of it, and maybe a little more boring, but it feeds me.
Knowing that a life I want is within my reach and helping others achieve what THEY want, that's worth the extra fluff.
Maybe I'll get the itch to set another goal soon. I've toyed with picking up running again, solely for the purpose of seeing my kids at the finish line of a race (they've never watched me finish a race before) and showing them what their mom can do, teaching spin classes (spinning is a true passion of mine), and maybe competing again (I love the Masters class ((35 year old+ age division)) and admire those women), but for now I'm just trying to live life, enjoy my time with my kids, and focus on the many blessings I've been given.
I don't know what's to come of this blog, it's done so much for me over the years and completely changed my entire life. Some of it in good ways, and some of it in amazing ways.
I am appreciative of every one of you who have read along, cried, cheered me on, and picked me up when I've fallen over the years.
My focus has shifted and I can't help but feel like it's been the most dramatically amazing change I've made to date.